Life Comes at You Fast...

These last few weeks have been an absolute whirl wind for me. I don't think 3 weeks could have gone by any faster. Here I was practically wishing I could hurl myself all the way to California so that I could get home from school instead of having to wait those super long hours during the car ride home, and now I'm typing what might be my last post before I'm in Orlando, FL!!!

We spent today just getting ready. Making sure I was packed, that I knew where I was going and how I was getting there. Making sure I had all the correct paperwork printed and filled out, and that I said goodbye to any dear friends I have here in Tracy.

Then I realized as I was putting the last of my stuff in my suitcases....

9 months... 9 months....

It was like one of those moments in the movies where you hear the voice in your head echo a certain phrase a million times over and over again, and you always think it will stop with the next one but it doesn't... I never thought that I'd be spending 9 months of my life away from home and away from my family and friends my first first year out of High School. I am going to be living independently across the entire country for 5 whole months... and then flying immediately back to school to jump into classes. I wont see my parents until April 2011... It feels like April 2010 was just yesterday! As you can see, life's catching up to me.. as Momma likes to quote the MasterCard commercial... "Life comes at you fast..."

But I can do this. I just got through some of the worst challenges and hardships these past six months on my own! I moved to a new state in the debt of winter ( -19 degrees!!!), I survived a horrendous first date while maintaining my dignity, signed up for my own classes and made the adjustments myself to fit my needs, auditioned and was cast in my first college production (and had a fabulous time. thank you Barber of Seville Cast and Crew! ), Got MONO for 3 weeks and was incapacitated and threating to enter the emergency room BUT I SURVIVED AND KEPT A 3.1 GPA!!!, I also got through some of the worst roommate drama ever endured by one woman.... BUT I DID IT! I didn't come home, I did threaten to come home and cried to my mother like a baby for about a solid month, BUT I DIDN'T COME HOME! I finished my first year of college and that means that I can live across the country in a big city and figure things out and live to tell the tale, right? ...right?

Oh, boy... well, here goes nothing, right? No turning back now... WISH ME LUCK!!!

Self Loathing...

Deep sigh... Ok this is really depressing. When you think you lost a whole bunch of weight and that your size 14 jeans should be falling off you, but then you slip them on right out the dryer and they fit almost snug is like getting a lollipop and then having the flavor be something like vomit or buggers. I can never catch a break. Never. Most of the women I know can go for three weeks, eat whatever they want, not care about if they work out or not, and MAINTAIN their weight. Not me. I so much as think about not exercising and I gain a pound. I'm sorry to say that in the last 3 weeks I have gained 11lbs. It's disgusting. How can anyone gain 11lbs in just three weeks! It makes me sick...

Well, what I've learned is that theres no point in moping about it, because then you just go for the easiest "fix" for your depression and have an extra bowl of ice cream, or one more peanut butter cookie. Whats the harm in one more since you've already screwed up, right? Wrong! The only way to change a habit is to kick it. Complaining about how horrible something is, doesn't make it any less horrible. You just have to button those extra tight jeans ( because they look good, dang it!) and walk out saying "Next week or the week after, this will be different. These pants will need a belt in about a month" and you think of how your going to make that happen. For me, I'm going to track all my food intake for the week next week and then make adjustments. Exercise shouldn't be too hard since I'll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure everything out! haha, well onwards! New goals, new friends, new adventures! Cheers to goal making.

So Much To Do!.. Then Wait..

So I've been packing for the last week, mind you I've never packed "fully" for the trip yet, meaning all clothes, shoes, bathroom items ect. completely tucked away in my suitcases, no. BUT I have had to think about packing ALL WEEK! Trying to get 9 months of my life into two suitcases proves to be a tougher task than I thought it would be.

Alas, I did it. Everything except my carry on for the flight and one last laundry day ( which isn't extraordinary) is packed away and ready for Tuesday. Wow... it feels like just yesterday Emily and I were getting everything packed for our weekend in Salt Lake City for our Character Auditions for Disney World in March. We kept saying "I just wanna go to Florida now!" and "I'm so excited! Why do we have to go through an entire semester of school first!" and now, LOOK AT US! We're flying across the country in one day to start our training for one of the biggest companies IN THE WORLD! Sigh.. nothing could be more sweet.

I'm just a little nervous on how things are going to pan out as far as transportation goes. We have a wonderful guy whose one of our college reps back at school who said he would give us a ride from the airport to our hotel, but I'm concerned about getting to our check-in point. If we aren't there before 12pm, we can consider ourselves terminated. The working world... it scares me a little. BUT WE CAN DO THIS, right Em!? Mickey, save us a spot, cause we're comin' your way!

New Me, New Chapter... NEW CLOTHES!

Alright, so I have ave some fantastic news. For two years, I hated shopping. "Now wait a minute" you might say "That is not happy news!" Oh, but wait, dear friends, just wait.

Again, I say, I hated shopping for two solid years. Now here comes the "Because". Because I was too big to fit into any of the styles people my age were wearing. I had grown out of American Eagle, Aeropostale, Anchor Blue, and Pac Sun; the most popular stores in the tween/ teen world! The last time I could remember my fat butt fitting into an American Eagle Jean was 8th grade. The last time I remember fitting into any pants at Aeropostale was 6th grade! Torid, a plus size "Style Store" had become my default for any "In style" fashions. If it weren't for that store I would have been reduced to the plus size faded glory tops at Walmart ( which are never age appropriate for high school...)I suffered to say the least, through my high school years.

But now....

I can pick out at least one item ( clothing.. not accessories) in every store I go to! A year ago, I walked into stores and know for a fact that nothing would fit. NOT ONE SINGLE ITEM! But now, my whole worlds different. I mean, look at what I found in the clearance racks!!!

Home Again! ... Home Again...

So the thrill of being home again has kind of worn off. Not for the fact that I've had my wisdom teeth taken out just two weeks ago, but for the fact that in the three weeks that I've been home, I've gained back 8lbs...

Now mind you this isn't a complete shock. I haven't been doing much exercise ( if any at all... does shopping count?) and I've eaten just about anything that's put in front of my face, and with my mother cooking most of my meals, I've probably downed enough calories to make a sickly child in Taiwan pretty plump. Now this is a little discouraging after having put up that last post about me losing so much over the last 6 months, but it's only 8 lbs, not 80. I've gone from a size 22 to a snug 12 ( I know it says 10 in the previous post. You can thank my mother's wonderful cooking for the added size... Love you mom.. Grrrr) But this is something I knew I'd have to deal with when I finally finished my first year of College.

Returning to the real world...

For the past six months, I have lived in what we BYU kids like to call the "Rexburg Bubble". Nothing comes in, and nothing goes out. It's this perfect little world that you create for yourself, and in my case that included eating a fair amount of veggies and fruit, and drinking so much water I was peeing like a camel all day. It also meant that I was walking up this treacherous (ok.. maybe mildly steep... a hill) mountain, everyday to get to my dorm, 3-4 times a day! I also had a set aside hour to work out on the Cardio Machines. I readjusted my life up there to suit my wants and needs of gaining a healthy lifestyle, something that is near impossible to do when I am around friends and family at home. Not because it's their fault, but because they have their own routines too, and I was involved in the same routines when I lived here. I can't expect to change everything I've lived with for 18 solid years in just three weeks! Like I said, near impossible.

I've found that I'm the kind of person who enjoys change. Ever since I was little, I liked changing things up. I don't think there has ever been a school year where I didn't rearrange the furniture in my room during the Christmas break. I also like fresh starts. Back to school was always like Christmas for me. New back pack, new clothes, new pencils, binders, books, paper, and a new start to maybe get that principals honor roll ( never happened... life sucks...) but I have come to see that I do well when my surrounding change. This is why I am so grateful that I have the fantastic opportunity to work for Disney World, and live in an entirely new environment for FIVE WHOLE MONTHS! I am hoping that this drastic change in scenery will open up a new chapter in my journey for that long awaited goal weight of 120. I've come this far... no turnin' back.... So Eat My Fat, Calories :D !

This is Kjoy signing out!

Love and Peace <3

So it has been 11 months since I have put up new pics of me and talked about my weight loss. Here is a decent before and after. I will say that I am quite proud of myself. In just one year I have gone from 232 to 178. I have also gone from a size 22 to a snug size 10. Never in my entire life did I think I would see the end of this long journey. Mind you, I am still working on losing this last 40lbs and I hope to be quite smaller when I get back from working in Florida. Me and Emily plan to stay on it and lose like mad in that sweat box they call Orlando. I am so blessed to have someone in my life that has the exact same goals I do. In every way I can think of, Emily is my twin. We eat the same foods, like the same music, want to go into Theater and teach kids, and now she's coming with me to world for Disney World in just 4 weeks! But I will keep going. I am going to keep up my exercise routine, an hour of intense Cardio everyday, and I am going to track what I eat and keep my calories under 1500. No if's and's or But's about it, because I'm hoping my Butt is a lot smaller come January in Rexburg :)

Come Unto Christ Project

A Complicated Problem and an Easy Solution

A Parable of Coming Unto Christ

By: Kelly Baker

“Ugh!” Katie exclaimed as she slammed the door behind her. She slid off her pound of bricks she called her backpack, slipped out of her shoes and sunk her behind into the nearest sofa. Her mother, hearing her distress, popped her head out of the kitchen entryway just enough for Katie to see the powder blue apron hanging around her neck covered in flour, or was it powder sugar? Her mother continued her way into the living room carrying a red plastic bowl stirring the contents in it like mad.

“I take it school wasn’t too great, huh?” her mother said squeezing in just enough sarcasm to lighten the mood. She noticed the furrowed brow and the crossed arms of her daughter and decided to take a seat.

“People are dumb, sometimes, really dumb. Sometimes I can’t even understand how DUMB people can be,” Katie huffed. A puzzled look swept across her mother’s face and Katie continued to explain her frustrations. “I got my math test back today…” she began picking at her cuticles, and swung her head low in solitude.

As Katie rummaged around in her backpack looking for the source of her shame, her mother interjected “You mean the test that you’ve been putting off studying for, for the last two weeks?” the I-told-you-to-study-math-not-mess-around-on-Facebook-look reawakened the overwhelming guilt Katie had safely locked inside herself during the last two weeks. Math just wasn’t on the forefront of her mind, she had friends that needed her, she was trying to get ready for her lead role in the school’s upcoming play, she had other things she needed to do! So she put off the test, always intending to do a little here and there, but as each day had passed, so did the opportunity to study. That unfortunate day came and Katie wasn’t ready in the least. All she heard were the nagging comments from her mother warning her to come in and study and prepare. That’s where the guilt started, but until today, when she received the judgment from her actions the past few weeks, she had locked it away. Put a key into the lock and then swallowed it whole along with any emotion she felt would make her look weak to the outside world.

“Kate, let me see” he mother wiped her batter-frosted hand across her lap and held it out to receive the paper Katie was practically guarding with her life. 69.95%. Just barely failing. Five points was the difference between Katie being pleased with herself and skating on by, and the absolute misery she felt now. How can I fix this? This test was 20% of my grade and I’ve thrown it away. Is there any hope for me to even pass this class? Maybe I should just quit? Katie’s thoughts apparently translated right into her features because her mother lifted her chin and replied.

“Don’t beat yourself up, it does no good. Find someone to help you, is there anyone in your class that could tutor you?”

Lyle. Lyle Carmichael, the wiz kid. Some people couldn’t stand him because he was so prominently the teacher’s star student and example. Katie really didn’t bother with him because he wasn’t in her circle of people, but if anyone could help her now, it’d be Lyle.

The following day loomed over Katie like a dark cloud as she approached the one person who might be able to save her. “Um, uh” her feet skittered underneath her in sheer anxiety, as she reached out a finger to tap him on the shoulder. “Uh, Lyle?”

A beautifully golden blonde head of hair swished around, gently falling in front of his green eyes. Lyle was decently attractive, but no one ever noticed due to the size of his IQ. Why is he not in a private school Katie thought? “Yeah, what do you—oh, Katie?”

How did he know my name? I’ve never said two words to this kid?! Katie inhaled deeply to calm her racing mind, and continued. “Lyle, I, uh, I was wondering if I could get your help. I’m not doing so great in class…” She slid the test onto his desk as if it were a poison she had to show him but hoped he’d never take.

He looked a little bewildered as he looked at the test. He glanced back at her and then down at the test and replied “But, Katie, I thought you were great at math?”

She wanted to scream how would you know that! You didn’t know me last year! But she composed herself and said “Yeah, I just, I need some help. Would you mind?” He looked down at the test, gave a little inward sigh, then looked back at her completely turning himself to face her.

“I’d love to.”

Over the following weeks they spent hours studying, researching, and discussing different aspects of the material they were learning. Lyle also told Katie of a secret tip that could pull her out of the deep hole she had dug for herself.

“Wait. What? You mean there’s actually hope for me to pass this class?” she asked with intensity and excitement gleaming in her eyes.

Lyle put down his pencil and chuckled a little. “Yeah, there’s always hope. We just need to talk to the teacher and get you some makeup assignments.” Her stomach did an Olympic back flip. I’ve been working my butt off for the last three weeks just to stay on TOP of this class! Now, he’s telling me I have to add MORE to the chaos? This really is hopeless. Again her frustrations seeped right into her expression and it was like Lyle read her mind.

“Yes, you need to do more in order to fix that grade. Because of how much weight was on that test, you’re going to have to work a little harder than most in this class.” She didn’t want to believe him, but she knew he was completely right. She was between a rock and a hard place, and she had no other choice than to take the hand he was offering her at that moment.

“So, have you ever had to do makeup work, Lyle?” she asked in the spirit of curiosity.

He did that light little chuckle again that made Katie smile, and answered her question. “No, no, I haven’t needed to do it for myself; but I do help others with theirs. I don’t like to see people struggle.”

Katie thought on his words for a moment. “So, why didn’t you help me before? I failed my test! I was struggling.”

He turned to her, took the pencil out of her fisted hand, and said point blank “Katie, if I had come to you three weeks before that test and asked if you needed my help, would you have made any effort to study with me?” he waited, and when she gave him a slow, solemn shake of her head he continued “No, you had to come to me when you were ready. You needed to realize and learn for yourself the benefit of studying and preparation.”

She continued on with her tutoring sessions with Lyle for the rest of the semester. Fifteen assignments of fifty questions each was her sentence. She thought it would be entirely too much to handle. But she kept going. After that test her grade dropped from a B to a D+. By May she had worked hard enough to pull it up to a B-.

It was the last day of class for the year, and Lyle was packing his things away for the day. Katie walked up beside him and sat in the desk next to him. “Thanks. Really, I, uh, I couldn’t have made it without you.” Wow that was cheesy, Kate. He paused for a second before fully zipping up his back pack and lifted his head to meet her.

“Anytime. You’re a cool girl, Katie. Smart, fun, and motivated. Don’t lose sight of that.” A coy little smile crept its way across her face as she gave him a little shrug of her shoulders.

“I try.” There was a final silence between them and then the bell rang “Oh! Hey, so I’m taking algebra II next year. You mind?”

Again with his light chuckle he replied “I’ll be there whenever you need me.”